It needs to be said that addiction is a symptom of the problem and not the problem itself. I say this as I continue to see people support the behavior of addiction after removing the substance. An alcoholic who consumes non alcoholic beverages and believes their sobriety is safe, is not taking into consideration the mentality associated with habitual use, even when a trade off is made. There is a saying in the rooms, “If you hang out at the barber shop long enough you will eventually get a hair cut.” When an addict gives into the urges, cravings, or triggers even in a non active way we are feeding the addictive personality within. We build a false sense of security in the idea that we can use the non-active substance or participate in active users activities and behaviors and as long as we don’t use, we are safe. For the alcoholic it could be the non alky beer or for the drug addict it could be old friends, hang outs, and/or behaviors.
As we work the step work we take inventory, we analyze ourselves and look for our short comings. We take the in depth look at our motives and behaviors and look for a way to change what we see wrong. Following through after step 4 you see why these things are important to the success of your recovery. It is only through the work that we put into our recovery that success becomes possible. Stinkin’ thinkin’ is one of those things, one of the hidden road blocks that seems to interfere with every person during their recovery. The subtle way that the craving or trigger can sneak in and lure you back to the lifestyle. How it becomes so easy to excuse the actions and slip back deeper.
Our honesty and integrity is center stage in our recovery, I lie to myself before I lie to anyone else. This is where support is vital. I recently read a comment from a addict describing his higher power. S.A.M. “sure ain’t me” and I thought it very fitting for this writing. We have to understand that when left to our own defenses we fail, and it’s worth mentioning that this is the key role between a higher power and sponsorship. Forming a triangle of sorts. Our higher power lets us let go, ourselves understand that we are powerless and our sponsor helps us see life on life’s terms for what they are. The sponsor role takes many paths and we will leave that alone for the time being.
Our higher power is very important in helping us to let go. We can’t fix ourselves and we can not put trust in our behaviors during certain stages in our recovery. Clarity returns and most times I see the error in my thoughts after talking it out with my support system. The stinkin’ thinkin’ is part of the deception that comes from the addicts mindset and we need to be aware of ourselves, the idea that we can control ourselves through the active behavior will ultimately lead to relapse and recourse. Because 1 is too many and 12 is never enough. The behavior that leads to use is camouflaged behind layers, damage and trauma of ourselves. Usually compounded from active use it is through the step work we can peel away these layers and work out the things that lead us into habitual use and overall the addicts lifestyle.
The disease of addiction is cunning and deceptive. I have my early writings posted on here as well. Please take a look and see where my perception on this topic is founded. I have many actual life experiences where stinkin’ thinkin’ took the sobriety from a person. It is not major decisions in our lives that have major effect on our direction, but rather the small inconspicuous decisions that have the largest consequences. Slow and subtle is our disease and only with that understanding can you play the tape through to the end and see the ramifications of our choices today on tomorrows life. Looking back on my own use, it did not start out with a full blown dope habit. It took years to develop, evolved slowly over time and ultimately consumed my existence. Small steps, minor choices that lead to the next choice in direction. The people in our lives, the ones we choose to spend time with impress upon us. I can map my progression into active use through a handful of life situations and the choices I made.
Those are all stories that will eventually fill these pages.
In closing I would like to reiterate the advice to play the tape through, looking at the long term affects of our choices today. That by sacrificing now we can gain more than we knew existed before. My life in recovery has been restored 10 fold and it was only through the effort invested that success has been achieved. The long term goals need to be established so our recovery has purpose. At first we are sick and tired of being sick and tired. We find recovery teaches us how to live again, or in my case how to live period. Once we establish a recovery lifestyle we then find interests that help maintain sobriety. It is easy to be lured back to old interest that come with baggage. Guard your sobriety at all costs for it is priceless.
We do recover…
From Redpoint to Recovery; The road less traveled 